Frequently Asked Questions
Over the years,
I've received a lot of questions from people about this site (and about other
stuff in general). The following are all questions that I get in my email
on a fairly regular basis (believe it or not), and my usual answers:
Question: Will you answer this homework question for me?
[homework question follows]
Answer: No. Check out the tutorial
pages for information on how you can figure it out yourself.
Question: I have a general question about a chemical
topic. Will you answer it?
Answer: Yes, as long as it's not a homework question. You
can email me your chemistry questions at misterguch@chemfiesta.com. And yes, I can tell if your “general
question” is really a homework question in disguise!
Question: Is this website currently being updated and
maintained?
Answer: Yes.
However, because it’s a big site, it may not seem as if it changes much
from year to year.
Question: Will you actually answer my email?
Answer: It depends.
If your email is interesting, then yes.
If your question is covered somewhere on the website, or if I’m really
really busy, or if you are asking me a homework question, then no.
Question: Are you
currently teaching? Where?
Answer: I’m currently teaching part time while spending the other
half of my business day working on chemistry resources and taking care of my
son. Currently I work for Fairfax
County Public Schools in Fairfax County, VA (though it looks like budget cuts
mean that this will be my last year here before finding a new job). This kind of stinks, because I really like
where I teach right now.
Question: I am
an administrator who is currently hiring for a chemistry position in the
Washington, DC area. Would you consider
working for me?
Answer: Because of the answer to the above comment,
I would certainly entertain any employment offers.
Question: What's the deal with the punk
interviews?
Answer: Punk rock is awesome, and you guys should really listen to
more of it. Some bands you may want to check out are Black Flag, the
Circle Jerks, the Descendents, the Nobodys, Flipper, Fear, the Dead Kennedys,
Steel Pole Bath Tub, NOFX, X, Guttermouth, and Boris the Sprinkler. There
are a million other good punk bands out there - check them out.
Question: Did you really write a bunch of books?
Answer: Yes. I wrote "The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Chemistry" (2003), "The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Chemistry"
(2005), and “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Organic Chemistry” (2008). I've also written a lot of books for
chemistry teachers and did a lot of work on the Holt 2010 Chemistry textbook
(before it got cancelled due to the economy).
Question: Did you make a lot of money on the books?
Answer: I figured out that if I count it as being paid on an
hourly basis, I've made $2.50 an hour writing my books - far less than minimum
wage. There's not a lot of money in writing books, unless you're Stephen
King or something. It is cool, though, to see your book in a bookstore.
Question:
My teacher sucks. Will you
email him/her and tell him/her how to do a better job?
Answer: No.
If you’re upset, you should talk to your teacher yourself. Clearly, I have no way of telling whether
he/she is a lousy teacher and it wouldn’t be my place to say anything to them
anyway.
Question: I live in the DC area and I need tutoring. Will you do it?
Answer: No.
However, it has been my experience that people who “need tutors” usually
need to either speak to their teachers or to study more. Of course, there are exceptions to this, but
if you haven’t tried either of these options, you may want to consider it
before paying somebody big bucks to tutor you.
Question: Who sponsors this website?
Answer: Nobody - I pay for it out of my own pocket.
Question: I found a mistake on your site. Can I mail the
correct answer to the address above?
Answer: Yes, but I'm pretty slow to update. It will probably
take a really, really long time. I’m
pretty busy.
Question: I found something offensive on your site and am
outraged. Change it immediately or I'll complain to [somebody I've never
heard of].
Answer: Nothing on this site is in the slightest way offensive to
the intended audience (i.e. there's no sex, drugs, foul language, sexism,
homophobia, violence, etc) and I have no intention to change anything based on
the very occasional complaint. I'm sorry if you're offended - perhaps you
can find another chemistry site that you won't find so scary and intimidating.
Question: What do you think of [some political candidate, moral
issue, religion, hotbed social issue]?
Answer: Nope. Not going there. This is a chemistry
website, not a soapbox for me to spout off about my personal beliefs.
Question: My class is working on a project and we need chemical
expertise. Can we interview you or ask you to be involved?
Answer: Sure. Hit me with
an email.
Question: What's that picture of you on the front page of the
site?
Answer: That picture was taken of me on June 30, 1995. The
thing in front of me is a fried egg sandwich that a Waffle House waitress was
putting in front of me. I used that picture of me for the webpage because
1) It isn't good enough for anybody to actually identify me in the real
world, and 2) Because when I first made this website in 1998 I didn't
have any other digital picture of me - that was well before the age of digital
cameras.
Question: I'm a former dictator who has a great deal of money
in a trust fund and I want to establish a business relationship with you to our
mutual benefit. Will you send me several thousand dollars? If you
do, I'll send you ten million dollars in six months.
Answer: Send me the ten million dollars now, and I'll send you
several thousand in six months.
Question: Since you're a chemist, will you tell me how to make
drugs and/or explosives?
Answer: No, but I'll tell the DEA and/or ATF about your new
interest.
Question: I'm a researcher working on [something really
complicated]. Will you tell me how to do [something really complicated]?
Answer: No, since I know absolutely nothing about it and don't
want to give you bad information.
Question: Where can I buy [some chemical]? I want to make
[something weird].
Answer: First of all, I'm not telling you where to get any
chemicals. Secondly, please don't do chemistry on your own - it's not
safe.
Question: I have a physics and/or biology question. Will
you help me?
Answer: No, since I know practically nothing about either
subject. I studied chemistry and I have very little interest in physics
and biology. It's not that they're bad subjects - they're just not
subjects I find all that interesting.
Question: I hate you and I hate your website.
Answer: I hate you and your website too.
Question: Is this site in any way related to any websites with
similar names?
Answer: Nope. If a website has a similar name, it's not
because I have anything to do with it.